To My @ lexa
I’m supposed to be the writer; the weaver of words. It should be my duty to write something beautiful. A tribute. A monument to your incredible life. A tale of bravery and strength, facing pain with courage and love even when you had given everything already. A story of the most powerful heroine I have ever known, greater than any character I could possibly conceive.
Instead, my voice has been ripped from me just as your life was taken from you. Your book was just getting started. You had 28 gorgeous chapters wrapped with a stunning cover and an infectious laugh that kept people turning the page. The kindness drew us in, the sparkling personality made us yearn for friendship, and the delight and joy you sang kept us dancing alongside you. We wanted to be characters in your story, even if just for a sentence. Now, the remaining pages are blank. Your book will never have more words than now.
I had the honor of being in many of those chapters. I shared in the immense happiness you brought every time we were together. As life moved us further and further apart in miles, no bond remained stronger than our friendship; our love. You lit a fire in me and around me, sending me along my path with the strength to make it to the next checkpoint with you. You’d always be waiting, with a smile and arms to hold me close and remind me that distance never changed our relationship. You were home.
Now, words fail me. I don’t know what to say, what to write. Everything above this line feels inconceivably weak compared to what you gave this world. The words after this will feel the same. It’s impossible to wrap my head around a world that doesn’t have you in it… by my side.
I know the spark will return. Right now, I’m running on old habits. I’m afraid if my fingers stop, even if I have no idea what I’m writing, I won’t be able to continue. I just keep putting one word in front of the other, hoping I’ll run into you again.
I can’t write the rest of your book, and that’s crushing me, but I can keep you in mine. You live in others, too, and that’s evident by the outpouring of love I’ve seen from friends, family, and even one-time encounters with people. Whether you knew someone for your entire life or five minutes, you touched every single person in a way that no one will ever be able to do.
Alexa, @ — my sister, my best friend, my soul mate… you are so missed, but you are so loved. I love you with all of my heart.
Until we meet again, I will sit down and continue writing for you. Now more than ever, I will make sure you live on in everything I do. I need to feel at home again.